Grief affects us all in different ways. It's important to remember there is no 'normal' way to grieve. The many different aspects of grief can come as a shock. One of the most common questions we get asked is ‘is this normal?’ Here are some of the experiences you might have after a death that might worry or surprise you.

Is it normal to…

See or hear the person who has died?

It’s normal to see a person who has died. You might also hear their voice, sense their presence, or even find yourself talking to them. It can often happen when you least expect it. This often happens because your mind has temporarily forgotten they’ve died or because your brain is trying to process the death and acknowledge the finality of it.

Be angry with everyone?

Anger is a completely normal part of grief. You may find yourself facing family, financial and domestic responsibilities which you don’t feel able to cope with.

You may feel angry with someone you feel is responsible in some way for the death. You may feel angry with the person who died for leaving you. These are all normal responses to feeling out of control, powerless and abandoned.

Feel anxious all the time?

You might feel very anxious after someone dies. This often includes feeling panicky, breathless or having palpitations. A full panic attack can be a very frightening experience. It can make you feel dizzy or confused, faint or even be sick.

Go over and over every detail of their death?

It’s normal to keep replaying the details of someone’s death in your head. Particularly where the death was sudden, unexpected or traumatic. This is the mind’s way of dealing with what happened.

However sometimes after a traumatic experience people become very disturbed by mental images, which in a severe form can become Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder (PTSD). This is when it might be time to ask for help.

Feel numb or feel nothing at all?

It’s normal to feel numb in the days after someone dies. Shock can have this effect, and you might carry on at first as if nothing has happened. It is hard to believe that someone important is not coming back.

Many people feel disorientated – as if they have lost their place and purpose in life or are living in a different world.

Cry all the time/Not be able to cry?

People react to grief in very different ways. Some people find they cry very frequently and may be overwhelmed by the strength of their emotions.

Others may feel numb for some time or feel unable to cry. Some people experience swings between extremes. You might find that these differences can cause conflict as people experience conflicting emotions at the same time. But it’s important to remember all of these reactions are normal. It doesn’t reflect how you felt about the person who died.

Not be able to sleep/sleep all the time?

It’s normal to have trouble sleeping after someone dies. You might be frightened to go to sleep because of bad nightmares. Or you might find it difficult to get to sleep because your mind is racing. Sometimes, you may dream that the person who died is still alive and find waking up to be painful.