We know that people with supportive family and friends tend to do better when making changes, but what happens if you feel like your nearest and dearest won’t (or aren’t able to) get onboard with your sober-curious lifestyle? We asked our Ambassador and Coach, Sober Dave, for his sobriety coaching advice for how to deal with unsupportive partners.

“Darling, I think I’m going to take a break from drinking. It’s really getting me down and my anxiety is sky high …”

“What? Ahh but there’s nothing wrong with your drinking? Come on, your drinking is okay. And after all we have that wedding coming up, and it’s my birthday in a couple of weeks, you’re being silly now – anyway, we’re meeting friends down the pub tonight, you’re being silly …”.

Sound familiar? Giving up or taking a break from drinking is hard enough to get your own head around at times, but when you have an unsupportive partner that can make it even more challenging.

Communication, communication and more communication

The key to any success is to acknowledge that this is YOUR journey and not theirs. Communicating how you are feeling and why it feels so significant can help your partner understand how important this choice is for you.

“…being positive can enhance the experience for both of you by exploring new things to do together that don’t involve alcohol.”

Engaging in open and honest conversations with a partner about your decision to stop or take a break from alcohol, the challenges you face and the need for support, can foster understanding and empathy within the relationship. And the best part is, being positive can enhance the experience for both of you by exploring new things to do together that don’t involve alcohol.

Just the two of us?

Seeking support beyond the relationship is useful if your partner continues to drink. This allows you to engage with like-minded people and share experiences, receive guidance and enhance coping strategies.

“Connecting with other people who understand the challenges of sobriety can also provide empathy and encouragement.”

Connecting with other people who understand the challenges of sobriety can also provide empathy and encouragement. Finding your people can also be a great help when trying to maintain a sober lifestyle within a relationship where your partner continues to drink alcohol.

Find something new to do together that doesn’t include alcohol

Establishing healthy coping mechanisms to navigate triggers like social situations or your partner’s home drinking is essential. You may wish to engage in new activities like joining the gym or a yoga class, or perhaps you may be interested in learning a new skill by enrolling in an adult learner course at college, or something similar? However, it’s equally important to try and find something to do with your partner if they are willing to. It can be a good idea to seek activities that will include them to avoid any feelings of isolation that could potentially cause other problems and impact the dynamics of the relationship.

Set your boundaries

Setting firm boundaries within the relationship is essential in building a healthy relationship. Negotiating compromises, respecting each other’s choices, and establishing mutual understanding and support can encourage a sense of harmony and respect.

“…while it may be challenging to witness your partner drinking, acknowledging and accepting their decisions while staying true to your own personal commitment is crucial for keeping a positive and supportive relationship dynamic.”

Respecting your partner’s independence and choices regarding their decision to drink is crucial, and while it may be challenging to witness your partner drinking, acknowledging and accepting their decisions while staying true to your own personal commitment is crucial for keeping a positive and supportive relationship dynamic.

Navigating sobriety within a relationship where one partner continues to drink requires a balance of self-reflection, open communication with your partner, as well as setting healthy boundaries together. Try to put your energy into building a strong support network and establishing healthy coping mechanisms that support your wellbeing. By respecting each other’s choices and fostering a supportive and understanding relationship dynamic, there’s every chance you can successfully maintain your sober-curious lifestyle and gain understanding of each other’s different relationships with alcohol at the same time.

Remember, staying committed to your goals, seeking support, and prioritising self-care are important parts in your journey towards a fulfilling and sober lifestyle within the context of a relationship where alcohol is present.