Seeing a parent struggle in later life is always difficult. You instinctively want to help, but it can be hard to know where to start.

It's important to open up conversations around plans for the future. There are lots of ways to keep living independently for longer, such as equipping the home (i.e. technology, handrails) or arranging alternative living arrangements.

We can find ourselves gradually taking on more and more responsibility. It can start with small jobs – helping with the garden, doing their shopping - and over time it becomes more intensive. Adjusting to these changing roles can be a big emotional step for you and your parent.

It can be especially difficult if personal or intimate care is needed, or if you live a distance away from your parent and can’t get over to see them often. There can be so many practical things to consider – such as when to get professional help. It’s also important not to overlook your own interests like your job, family, friends, and maintaining a social life.

Don’t delay – talk now

Avoid putting off these conversations until there’s a crisis; if you act now, you can avoid making life-changing decisions under pressure. In addition, your relative may no longer have the ability to express their wishes if they have lost mental capacity.

If you have siblings, it’s also worth discussing together how you could share the caring responsibilities between you.

How to broach the subject

It can be really difficult to know how and when to start the conversation, so we have put together some tips to make it a little easier:

• Try to talk one-to-one when possible so they don’t feel overwhelmed
• Having face-to-face conversations allows you to show your support with body language and eye contact
• If you need an ice-breaker, making a cup of tea is always a good start
• Bring up examples of other people’s similar situations to open up the conversation
• Share your thoughts on what your own preferences on maintaining independence would be
• Be aware of the language you use; make suggestions rather than dictating and ensure it’s a two-way conversation so that they feel listened to