Janey Lee Grace is the author of Happy Healthy Sober, host of the Alcohol Free Life podcast, and is the founder of The Sober Club. She shares with us her top tips for disentangling your identity from drinking.

For years, drinking was part of who I was. It was tied to my social life, my confidence, and even my sense of fun. I was ‘the person who loved a glass of wine’ as my treat, or the person who always said yes to a night out. When I decided to go alcohol-free, one of the biggest challenges wasn’t just giving up the drinks—it was figuring out who I was without them.

The journey of changing my identity was both terrifying and freeing. I had to unpick the stories I had told myself—like: “I’m the life and soul of the party” or “I can’t relax without a drink”—and rewrite them in a way that truly aligned with the person I wanted to be.

But in doing so, I found a deeper, truer version of myself—one that didn’t need alcohol to feel whole. If you’re on this journey, wondering: ‘Who am I if I’m not a drinker?’, know that you’re not alone. It takes a while to step into your sober shoes, but trust me, once they fit, you won’t regret it. I’ve never met anyone who prefers the drunk version of themselves.

Here are my top tips for forging a new identity beyond alcohol.

Janey's 7 top tips for redefining your identity without alcohol

1) Accept that change feels weird at first

Identity shifts are uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong. Give yourself permission to feel out of place for a little while. When you do your first few social situations sober, try ‘hiring’ yourself as an actor, play the role of a confident sassy sober badass, then you’ll deserve an Oscar when the evening’s over!

2) Remember that you are more than just one thing

Drinking may have been part of your personality, but it wasn’t all of you. What else lights you up? What have you neglected that you now have space for?

3) Find new ways to be social

If drinking was how you connected with people, explore other ways to socialise—coffee dates, walks in nature, book clubs, or even just hosting friends without alcohol. You might find that connections deepen when alcohol isn’t in the mix.

4) Change your narrative

Instead of saying, “I used to be a drinker,” try: “I’m someone who loves mornings, conversations I can remember, and waking up without a hangover.” Frame it around what you’ve gained, not what you’ve lost.

5) Surround yourself with like-minded people

Seek out communities, whether online or in real life. We really need connection. It helps to see others thriving without alcohol, in the Sober Club community I founded, we are cheerleaders for each other.

6) Explore what you actually enjoy, sober

It’s a wild ride rediscovering what you genuinely love when alcohol isn’t involved. Try new hobbies, new music, new experiences. You might surprise yourself!

7) Give yourself time

Identity shifts don’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself as you grow into this new, authentic version of you.

At the heart of all this is one simple truth: letting go of alcohol doesn’t mean losing yourself—it means finding yourself. Brené Brown says, “Let go of who you think you're supposed to be; embrace who you are.” And that’s exactly what this journey is about -stepping into the real, unfiltered, fully present version of you.